“I was a fool. All the anger, all the rage, was just to cover my loss” Drax, Guardians of the Galaxy
Using anger as the acting emotion to ignore the sadness and hurt you feel when saying goodbye seems better at the time than being on the edge of ruining your mascara from crying.
Saying goodbye is always hard. During my senior year of high school, I realized I would be saying more goodbyes in three months than I had in all my years previous. No longer being a Buena Vista, or even a Colorado citizen was daunting. Everyone I knew and everything I was familiar to was about to change. I would begin my college career in a new town, two states away from a recognizable face.
Sometime in the spring semester, probably around spring break when Chemistry and Calculus were wearing on my GPA and planning the Senior Dinner was in full swing, I started to get flustered with a few situations. When I graduated from Buena Vista High School, it seemed easier to the time to say goodbye with the slight anger resting on my mind. Then on into the summer, I was nitpicking at every little thing in every situation. Slowly I developed anger/disappointment/frustration towards almost everything in my life that I would be leaving at the end of August.
Leaving Paonia last Wednesday afternoon was also a chance for me to nitpick at little things and cause anger towards the summer I was saying goodbye to. Pulling into a motel in Raton, New Mexico as the midway point of heading back to college in Canyon, Texas, I caught onto the anger that was slowly manifesting inside me.
Realizing the anger would not be beneficial, only elongate the sorrow of leaving behind a summer of memories with new friends, I did allow for a tear to leave my eye as the acceptance that the summer is over and memories only remain in photos.
Moving in Thursday and the weekend became a blur as events for WTAMU Block and Bridle, Agricultural Communicators of Tomorrow, and Attebury Honors Scholar Peer Mentor filled my schedule all the way to Sunday evening. Staying busy and beginning classes Monday made the exchange back into the college student easier.
It is still hard to say goodbye; not garnering hate, only accepting the pain, makes it slightly easier. I miss Paonia, the Montrose County Extension team, family, and new friends, but accept the loss and not hold anger towards them.